Losing a family is one of the hardest things you can ever live with. But what happens when your love one is dealing with Alzheimer’s and they no longer remember you anymore. Only because there lost in their mind and there no way to escape. You’re no longer Christina, Tiffany or Tiarra you’re just a blur or a person standing there. Deep down inside you wish that there was more that you can do but you sit there and watch as this deadly disease swallow whole the one you care about the most.
I remember a time when I lived in Detroit. I would go over my great grandma house and me and my mom would sit there with my grandma and laugh. Gerlene would tell me how she would chase my mom and all my aunties and uncles around with her cane. We only have vivid memories of her being so active. With time where she would go out and get her nails done every Wednesday, drive her car around with my grandpa and give me birthday kisses and give me presents for every birthday that I had. She never would miss one
Sometimes I regret not calling her because you never knew when she would leave us or how this disease would take her away. About 7 months ago my grandma stayed in a wonderful house and lived her life with my grandpa. It was like they would do everything together. As you get older you always think about being with someone who complimented you. When you have a down fail they can complete it and make it work and vise versus. And I can say they was a perfect example of that.
My mom would try and hide the fact that my grandma was getting very old and was having symptoms from Alzheimer’s. One thing my mom was good at was telling us the truth about what was happening but she would re word it so it didn’t seem as harsh as it may have seemed. In reality I knew what was really happening and it was affecting her really fast. What I knew was she soon no longer would remember me and no longer will call me itty bitty because I would no longer exist in her mind.
Things my mom would say to me is: “even though she may have this disease and it is affecting the whole family because we see our love one slowly leave this earth and watch as her mind leaves her. We should still remember what she was like before this, yes it’s a really said thing to see buts its life”. That would always give me courage and hope that maybe just maybe, one day there would be a cure and that she would be fine.
Before she had this disease she was a beatify person, still is. She would sit with me and we would watch the cooking show and even try and make recipes together. All theses memory would never go away like how she received the name grandma with the bananas. I thought me moving to Minnesota would change our relationship dramatically but it didn’t. When we moved and got settled in she would make her daily rounds and call I would be last and I loved it. She would always ask so have you been watching the cooking show and I would always respond with a “of course grandma”. We would sit for hours and watch and laugh. And I enjoyed every moment of it.
I always thought that she would be fine because my grandpa would always take care of her no matter what. She needed something he was there, he was there to remind her to take her medication, cook her food, and sit in the nail shop to get her nails done. She wanted she got it. So everything was perfect until about a year ago when we found out my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer that was spreading though his body.
No one wanted to really believe what was happening. We just prayed that maybe just maybe it was a misunderstanding. But sad to say it was true. The doctor told the family that he had only a couple of months left. But as strong as he is, i knew he would last longer than a month. Sad to say my grandpa died a couple months later.
You can see how my grandma whole attitude change and I even heard her say “if he is no longer here I don’t want to live anymore” I knew that I could not live without my grandpa and grandma. It may be selfish but they mean the world to me. Soon after he left us it was like her Alzheimer’s had gotten worse. When I called I would have to let her know numerous times that she was talking to me and not my sister or even my mom. When I would ask her question like when did she pass her driving test or if she had passed the first time she would forget that she was talking to me and nod. Only thing I could do was say I love you and hope that she could hear me and hang up.
Every time I talk to my mom about my grandma she says “it will be ok” yes I know it would be ok but I wish that she would have to suffer. She have very little independents and she a feisty little women and would try and do everything that she can do all on her on even if she can’t she would try and do it. There have been times where she had to go to the hospital because she has fallen. Or couldn’t breathe and had to be hospitalized. I just hope that we don’t get a phone call and the doctor saying that she is no l longer with us.
Things have been ok for now. Sometime I think that since she think that we know that she have Alzheimer’s she make the disease worse then what it is. She is doing better but I wish that she didn’t have to deal with it or even my family. I never would guess in a million year that anything would happen to our family. People always say that they would do this or do that if they were faced with this type of situation. But in reality no one knows how they would react to something until they was faced with it. My advice would be that if your having a love one go through Alzheimer’s try and be there for them they might not know that it’s you but maybe just maybe there something in there mind that know that it’s you that was there and telling them how much you love there and cherish them.
No comments:
Post a Comment